May Day May Day | Episode 14

My Mom Was a Flawed Human Being

The first major breakthrough I had in therapy was that my mother was a normal person.

All images are from the author’s collection. L-R Pat, Nan, Mom

I wish we taught children that parents are just people trying their best. I get that their best might not be very good, but … it’s what they’ve got. I’m lucky that my son figured this out, but sad that my daughter has not.

Many adults remain obsessed with things their parents did or didn’t do. They hold onto that angst because they don’t recognize that their parents are/were people … confused, unprepared products of their own less-than-perfect upbringing.

Parents often walk into their roles with poor coping skills, having never had to deal with the 24/7 life that is parenting. They also bring their fears, inadequacies, and lack of confidence to the gig. A typical new-parenting goal is to do a better job than their parents. The bad news? Even if you succeed, your kid will still have issues. They’ll just be different than the issues you brought to the table.

We expect of parents an archetypal proficiency and judge them harshly for a…